Old jokes are still the best!

"I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it." For those who believe the ancient Greeks thought of everything first, proof has been found in a 4th century AD joke book featuring an ancestor of Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch where a man returns a parrot to a shop, complaining it is dead, Reuters reports. The 1,600-year-old work entitled Philogelos: The Laugh Addict, one of the world's oldest joke books, features a joke in which a man complains that a slave he has just bought has died, its publisher said. "By the gods," answers the slave's seller, "when he was with me, he never did any such thing!"

In the Monty Python's Flying Circus sketch, first aired in 1969 and regularly voted one of the funniest ever, the petshop owner says the parrot, a "Norwegian Blue," is not dead, just "resting" or "pining for the fjords." The English-language book will appeal to those who swear that the old jokes are the best ones. Many of its 265 gags will seem strikingly familiar, suggesting that sex, dimwits, nagging wives and flatulence have raised laughs for centuries.

In many of the jokes, a slow-witted figure known as the "student dunce" is the butt of the jokes. In one, the student dunce goes to the city and a friend asks him to buy two 15-year-old slaves: "No problem," responds the dunce. "If I don't find two 15-year-olds, I'll get one 30-year-old.'

Chatty OAPs banned from park bench for being too noisy 

A group of pensioners have been they cannot meet and chat on a park benches, because their talking has been deemed anti-social, according to a report in the Daily Telegraph. The seven pensioners, including a 96-year-old and her friend who dedicated 40 years of her life to the NHS, have been told their teatime chats are a 'noise nuisance' which disturbs nearby residents. Housing Association bosses have now warned the group the four benches they sit on in Mottingham, south London, will be removed if they don't tone down the volume of their conversations. The pensioners meet up once a day to talk about such every things like the weather, their families and the cost of living.

Ann Reddy, 69, who is recovering from a stroke and has had 45 operations, said she was horrified about being branded a trouble-maker.

The retired medical secretary, who worked for the NHS for 40 years, labelled the accusations "unbelievable". The pensioner, who suffers from rheumatoid arthritis, said: "How could I possibly be capable of anti-social behaviour? When I told my doctor we might be having our benches taken away, he asked me if I had been drinking.

"We don't drink and sit on walls throwing cans of lager around the place. We don't sing in the middle of the night. It's unbelievable." She added: "We just love sitting outside in the fresh air enjoying each other's company and talking quietly about our families, the weather, and the cost of living. But someone has complained and said we are making too much noise."

Her friend, Rose Anderson, 96, a great-grandmother of nine, said she would "go mad" if forced to sit in her flat all day by herself. She said: "I'm so old now and I have got nothing else to do with my day. We all deserve to be treated with a lot more respect than this."

But Broomleigh Housing Association was refusing to back down. Julie Schoon, assistant director of supported housing, said: "As a registered social landlord we are responsible for ensuring that any complaints of noise nuisance or other forms of anti-social behaviour are acted upon.

"Following a number of complaints from residents over the last two years we have worked hard to try and mediate between those involved.

"We are very reluctant to remove any of the benches and would view this as a last resort. We are currently talking to residents and considering various solutions to try and resolve the issue."

Amy Swan of Help the Aged said: "It's such a tragic state of affairs when older people tell us that the only person they see from week to week is the postman."

A Help The Aged report indicated that a third of people over 65 in the UK - 3.6 million in total - now live alone and have little contact with their friends and family. Latest figures show more than a million pensioners half a million leave their house less than once a week, and that 300,000 feel like prisoners in their own homes.